The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
