There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
