I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
