I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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