I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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