Got a toothbrush?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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