Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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