there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
