i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
