I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
