dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
