sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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