I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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