I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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