when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
