i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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