Apparently you make a good broom.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
