I want you more than these girls want KFC
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
