Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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