you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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