I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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