I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
