dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
