So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
