I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
