and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
NoShamevember. You game?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
