watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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