You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
