Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
