how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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