She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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