At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
