So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
