She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
