so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
