get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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