i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my shit smells like andre
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
