I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I cannot find my penis.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
