One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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