I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
