I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
