I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
