i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
