hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
