is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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