This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
