the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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