Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
