i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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