Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
worst night to have a conscience
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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