All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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