he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
