As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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