K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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