i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
