making cat noises will not fix the situation.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
