I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
