just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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