I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
