I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
