I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
