he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
