I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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