i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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